Avoiding the Light

For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed. John 3:20 (NRSV)

Right before Christmas, Mary Linda and I became aware of a young man who was homeless and needed a place to stay. We had a lot of discussion about it, much of it involving logistical difficulties. As we talked about it, I began to feel uncomfortable with the situation and expressed my frustration over it. Eventually, Mary Linda said "can we sit in worship around this?" I became aware of a part of me that didn't want to do that — the part of me that said "No, I don't want to be talked into this." But, we sat in worship, and as we did, I felt my objections falling away and we decided that we would offer space for him.

A few days later, I happened to read John 3:20, and I felt it was in some way talking about how I didn't want to sit in worship. There was something in me that did not want to come to the Light. It occurs to me that there are times when I hold so tightly to either wanting to do something or not wanting to do something that I am reluctant to bring it to the Light — to sit and listen for God's guidance. I must be willing to let go of that thing, and if I feel some reluctance to do that, perhaps I have some deep sense that it may not be what I am supposed to do.